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February 18, 2025 - Barcelona
I'm in Barcelona.
The streets L. and I walked together are immediately familiar. Memories feel so close even though it's been a long time now.
It was the city where we said some things for the first time. A dream ended here a few years ago. Our lives are very different now.
Still when I close my eyes, I find myself there.
A part of me will always stay in Barcelona that way.
And y conocí más de mil formas de besar
I just remembered how he made an anti-religion presentation in high school once and I'm giggling now. He is the coolest.
March 3, 2025 - Stockholm
March 9, 2025 - Rotterdam
I want to take note of the good feeling of this day.
On which I woke up early and went to the cafe to work on the novel. P. had happy energy, he also came and sat across from me. Suddenly B. responded and we set up a meeting for tomorrow; right after the day Victoria and I talked about the power of “I forgive you.” and of staying grounded in dignity, kindness, and daily practices.
Then suddenly my father sent me money. When I called to ask why, he said “Just thought you might need it.” He was at his quarter, working. He also asked about the lawyer. He was sweet and in a good mood.
And mom exercised today. 60 min cardio, and then other movement exercises too.
C. feels well and happy.
And I worked on the novel until 15:30.
P. is cooking delicious pasta.
I just got back from my walk by the water.
Now resting in bed with the massage machine.
Life gave me such a good day today.
April 7, 2025 - Rotterdam
Red flush cheek, cascade of light, how beautiful life can be.
Sharing due gratitudes, life’s forceful mysteries, reasons to risk it all.
Email 7 weeks too late.
i’m sorry / i love you, the way that I loved you
and it makes me so happy that I still do.
May 30, 2025 - L'île de Bambecque
Siempre recordaré el fuego. Somos sólo un momento.
July 18, 2025 - Rotterdam
Conte d'été
August 2, 2025 - Helsinki
August 5, 2025 - Tallinn
September 18, 2025 - Köyceğiz
Elif, masala chai, hünnap, toasted sandwich in the cast iron pan, bread and börek from the women’s market, mugolio pine cones on ice cream, homemade hummus. Afternoon meditations, frankincense forest, boats and floatplanes, hopping on a bike to fetch eggs. Oleander, lantana, bougainvillea along the streets, sundressed aunties drinking rakı and playing games. Cats Halilibrahim and Mestan. I swept the garden here, had my hair cut, reorganised the bookshelves. Nights I had dreams of longings supposedly long gone.
It was 09.2013 when I first picked up Elif’s book on her years in Kathmandu at a bookstore in Istanbul. By some karmic magic, twelve years later, it was Elif who edited mine.
Thank you Elif for everything; for shaking, kneading, refining (lambasting, thrashing, hammering) my text into what it could become. GH and I needed you.
Good luck on your journey to Nepal!
October 26, 2025 - Turkey
November 21, 2025 - London, Edinburgh, Dublin
In London, Edinburgh, Dublin with two blonde suspects. Loved the Museum of Literature Ireland and the National Galleries of Scotland.
November 29, 2025 - Paris
Paris 7ème. Helping install Lucie and Astrid’s exhibition with Jean-Louis. Visiting Isa at the hospital. Trying to trace Baldwin’s old Parisian haunts. Proustian madeleines. Soundtrack was Doudou’s favourite 414 Hz oxytocin cat music. But also because tu vas et tu viens: Back on your sofa / Of course I still care
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